The sun stays out later
But not much else does. I can actually feel the fog of February lifting. I think more than just not being able to sleep when work is so demanding--is the fact that seasonal affective disorder may be a real thing. I get it every so often but I'm sure I had it last year and this year too. Part of it is really due to the energy that I also keep around me. I have all the energy and effort to keep myself floating, but just enough for me. Then everything else OR everyone else happens. Suddenly the empathic aspect of my nature needs to nurture everyone else. As my good friend told me today, I'm taking on too much. I'm worried about my students. I'm worried about my family. I'm worried about my friends.
Why hasn't he figured out that he loves her? Why hasn't she figured out that she's made a decision to move on? Why hasn't she seen that the problem she thinks she faces is only the surface? Why am I the only one perceptive enough to see the issues at hand? Why am I so invested? Wait, is this on me again?
The balance between living a personal life, a social life, and an academic life is so overbearing. At least for someone that's as socially involved as I am. The see-saw seems to be stuck at one end. I know I'm not asking for much. I just hate when people dont follow through. So, brb. I'm going to throw myself into my work.