Hey, Finals! Where did you hide my sleep?
This semester has been a whirlwind. Fortunately, I can say that it's solely related to academics and career goals. This means I've been far more of a space cadet than usual. I'm constantly on the go and if I forget to flag an email or put something on my calendar, forget it--it's not getting done. Facts and details aren't sticking as well... but I suppose that's natural if you're only running on 5 hours of sleep every other day. Seriously, did you know it's possible to work an entire 19 hours straight through the night then only take a break to go to school? Despite that, I was still scrambling to complete my presentation with only 20 minutes left to spare before I actually went up before my class. I will say, there is something extremely satisfying to know that I somehow killed that presentation despite the total and complete lack of sleep. I can't say the feeling of an impending panic attack felt good as I watched my lunch go cold behind my laptop screen over an 1-hour period.
I fell behind three assignments in two weeks too. There is something about completing a manuscript for secondary data analysis that is so awfully daunting it hurts just to put my hand on the keyboard in anticipation. I now understand why scientists have difficulty disseminating results. WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST UNDERSTAND HOW TO READ A LOGISTIC REGRESSION PRESENTED IN A TABLE? WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE STORY? Oh, because that's my job and I can. Got it.
I can somehow remember the history of specific policies and how they are implemented but I will forget details of my own friends' lives that they regal to me the night prior. I hate sending texts only to get a response of, 'remember, I'm traveling right now?' Oh, so I guess you can't meet me for dinner tomorrow then, right? They all get it though, it's not like me to be so spacey and inconsiderate of others.
It's really hard to make room in my brain for anything other than how to understand the syntax I wrote for my statistical analysis and recall how to actually interpret whatever the fuck it is I discovered. It's even harder when I'm responsible for the education of 20 other individuals and am deeply concerned about their success or lack of communication.