On the path to normalcy

Or so I hope so. This past month coupled with the one prior…and the two before that…and the semester before that…has been the most trying I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never worked harder and lost sight more on what I wanted to do. I was so unnerved and irritable at the end. I couldn’t function and the parochial tunnel vision set in. And now… the dust is settling. I’m still in a fog of “what the fuck just happened” and “is it ok that i actually sit here on this couch and watch tv?”

One thing is for sure…I couldn’t have done it without support. My friends watched me struggle and not once made me feel bad about it and let me go about my egocentric ways and still met me every night with food or something to make sure I was physically taking care of myself. The pouring of text and realization that I was not the only person holding my breath. That it was equally painful and stressful for others to see what I was going through (and c’mon this is so trivial when you think about it) but that they were all so concerned and wondered “what could I do to help make this better for her?”

How anyone can love or care for someone that their mental space is their own is something that will always amaze me but also reflective of the company I keep because it’s the energy I put out (at least try to) for others.